One Year Ago Today: A Phone Call That Changed Things

One year ago today, The Bull got a phone call that changed our immediate and long term plans.  It was an Alaska State Trooper and he was wondering why Four Young Adults had my camera and The Bull’s prescription drugs.  There was no reason for them to have had them.  Turns out these Four Young Adults had been in our home, unauthorized, and helped themselves to some of our things.  Nothing of great value; mainly sentimental things.  A camera that The Bull’s dad had taken pics with when the kids were young; things our dads had given to us; trinkets given to us by people long since passed away.  Clif bars and polished stones.

The Four Young Adults were arrested 22 June. One young man appears to be a career criminal with a rap sheet as long as my arm.  Two others have a pretty good start on their life of crime: a young man and a young lady.  (To be honest, she has been a defendant in several of her cases.)  The fourth is a young lady who seemed to have a promising future; a Google search shows awards and honor roll listings and no prior offenses.  Both young ladies had young daughters.  The Bull attended their arraignment.  One of the young ladies was crying, wondering who would take care of her daughter.

Most posted bail and were out of jail within a week or two.  We were still not sure why they picked our house to rob and burglarize, or if they would return.  The stolen and recovered items would be returned to us; we hoped soon.  But the broken and missing things we only had hopes of getting money back.

Needless to say, this added to my already high anxiety level with being pregnant with unusual symptoms after miscarrying.  How do you tell the kids that no, someone wouldn’t be interested in stealing their toys when thieves broke in and carried off board games?!

You would think that this would be a quick ordeal as the persons were caught red handed.  Oh No Not At All.  The Grand Jury trial was within the month, but their court dates were pushed back again and again, month after month.

In October we spent substantial time trying to place values on our belongings.  How do you estimate the value of something purchased brand new for a small fortune in 1970, a family treasure, that now can only be purchased used for about a hundred bucks?  How do you value a hand made, one of a kind item made by someone now deceased?  Items that you weren’t even sure how many you had?  The restitution is only allowed to be actual purchase price as proven by receipts or actual replacement value.

All Four Young Adults finally made Plea Agreements in January/ February of this year.  You would think that this would end the ordeal.  Oh No Not At All.  We still had to wait to be allowed to claim our stolen property.  (We finally got our items back on 9 June 2011.)

Then there is the matter of restitution for the items that were damaged or disposed of (including The Bull’s father’s camera.)  Part of the Plea Agreements was that we would receive from these Four Young Adults money to replace these items.  If nothing else, we figured we would get our due in October 2011 when their Alaska Permanent Fund Dividends would be garnished.

The matter is concluded, right?  Oh No Not At All.  Last Friday we were informed that one of these Four Young Adults (Mr. Career Criminal) is contesting the restitution.  The Bull needs to rearrange his work schedule to take substantial time off to make a 3 hour drive, one way, to take to the court paperwork that they have already been given and testify.

Where is the justice?????  We have been wronged and yet the courts allow these criminals to continue to delay justice.  I am SO frustrated right now I want to scream!!

MM: May 9, 2011

Here are a few bits of blessing among the pieces of the week. . .which included taking Calf #3 to the emergency room!

~ The Bull’s aunt available on a moment’s notice to watch the boy calves while I went with the girl calves to the ER
~ PBS Kids on the tv
~ Finding that the little girl was OK, just a wee bit sick
~ Spending only two hours there
~ Several naps for the sick girl; one on the living room floor when she woke disoriented “Mama, where am I?”
~ A good night’s sleep for her and feeling better

You can find the gratitude community here

MM: April 25, 2011

A few bits of joy from the last two weeks:

~ From my three-year-old daughter:  “Baby’s dripping!” (when she drools)
~ Motherwear gift certificate from a dear friend, and new shirts
~ Watching Sesame Street videos on Youtube with the children
~ A quote that I’d like to be said about me someday:

“My mother had a slender, small body, but a large heart — a heart so large that everybody’s grief and everybody’s joy found welcome in it, and hospitable accommodation.”
Mark Twain

quoted here; I especially like the “slender, small body” part  🙂
~ Windmill cookies that remind me of my grandma
~ A fun conversation between The Bull and Calf #1:

Son:  “Dad, can you sneeze with your eyes open?”
Dad: “I strained myself trying to one time”
Son: “I can”
Dad: “Show me”
Son: “First I need an airplane to shove up my nose”

~  Realization with the baby’s name
~ Cherry milkshakes
~ A perfect bead that signifies a broken heart; shared with new friends
~ Taking the kids to story time, and running into a dear old friend
~ A long weekend for Daddy
~ Celebrating Passover with a seder with good friends. . . the bitter of the horseradish and the sweet of the apple, a symbol of the bitterness and sweetness of life
~ Baby’s breath

You can find the gratitude community here

1000G: Chapter 9

I don’t know why I do this to myself! I read the chapter and watched the video but didn’t have time to write up my thoughts that day, so I put it off for a day.

Next thing I know, it’s been three weeks, argh!!

I WILL FINISH THIS BOOK!!  only two chapters left . . . I can do it right?  🙂

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page 167 ~~

“How much larger your life would be if your self could become smaller in it.”  G K Chesterton

“The joy of small that makes life large.” Ann

Yet we, I, try to escape the smallness of life to get to the bigger and better, the grass-is-always-greener pastures.  How many of my lovely, wonder-filled moments are due to being small? When I have the beautiful realization, understanding of my smallness and His bigness?

Lots of them.

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page 169 ~~

“Expectations kill relationships.” Ann’s mama

“Expectations are pre-meditated resentments.” unknown, quoted by Angie Smith

Boy howdy!!  Yes, indeed!  It’s like a contract that will be broken.

I see this in myself–as a friend, as a wife, as a mother. When I don’t get what I want, what I expect, I am not very fun to be around.  (Sorry to you, my dear Mr. The Bull!)

What is it that scares me about new situations?  I don’t know what to expect.

And when these expectations are on the LORD, how much harder is it?  Faith is hard, especially when He doesn’t meet our expectations or what we have been taught to expect.  I cringe when I remember the church that taught, maybe not in so many words, that all we need to do is have faith and He will do this, whatever it is that we want.  (There’s that contract I mentioned!)  And if we don’t get from Him what we expect, want. . . well, it’s our fault.

Well I guess it is, really, but not really.  (How do I explain this?)  Our fault is in expecting things He’s never promised.  Our fault is not in our not fulfilling our end of the “deal.”  That’s not how He works, usually.

This is what I mean:  I’ve heard that if we pray enough, or have enough faith, He will heal our sick loved ones.  If we sing the proper songs, He will fix our broken relationships.  The cure for a broken heart?  The key to getting what we want in life, whether it be a job or a car or a baby?  It’s almost like ending  a prayer with “in Jesus’ name, amen” is another way of saying “Abracadabra.”

<gag>

But when we have a time like Ann’s with her son in the hospital, it puts our lives and expectations into perspective.  I remember one day of scrubbing the tiled bathtub wall and thinking another Ann thought:  “Smile, you don’t know if you’ll be this way again.”  Within weeks, my life changed and I wished that I could go back to that lovely tiled bathtub wall.

I guess the key is to take all of life as a surprise.  If we expect nothing, everything is a surprise!!

Of course, it’s very well and good to think these lovely thoughts.

but

then

the

glass

breaks . . .

And then what? Where are all my non-expectations now?  They are still right here.   To use Ann’s example, I expect that whoever opens the glass door would shut it when they are done.  I expect that the kids won’t run in the house, I expect that the door would swing out of the way and not shatter.  I expect that nobody would get hurt if the glass did break.  I expect that the children would help clean and not instead point fingers of blame to one another.

For me, personally?  I expect that the paycheck will be on time, that the gas bill will be manageable, that the child’s cough will subside quickly.  That when I spend hours to plan and prepare the school day the children will happily, gratefully sit and do their work without whining, fussing, complaining.  That the hours I spend on fixing meals will be met with something more than “I don’t like this!”

And again, when my expectations are not met. . . watch out!

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page 177 ~~

“A proud man is seldom a grateful man, for he never thinks he gets as much as he deserves.” Henry Ward Beecher.

Good thing I’m not a man.  🙂

(Just kidding.)

It is interesting, this idea of thanking the LORD for all he gives, even the yucky stuff.  I don’t think I deserve the yucky stuff, really.  A very wise man said (Job 2:10) “Shall we accept good from God, and not trouble?”  Gulp.

And like Ann, I know that it is best in the situation where I don’t get what I want to keep my mouth shut.  Otherwise what spews from it is moaning, groaning, complaining–the very opposite of thanksgiving.  And that helps nobody.

I need to, like Ann says page 178, let go of my expectations.  I need to accept what He gives me in life and accept that it is given because He loves me, even if it seems bad at the time.

It is hard for me to give up what I want for what He gives.  But I need to do this. . . first off, I can’t make life happen the way I want. Secondly, do I really know what is best for me?

No.

I like the idea of praying with hands open, palms up.  i have a friend who’s done this for years, for this very idea.  I’ve always thought her weird. 🙂 I understand this better now.

MM: April 11, 2011

A few bits of joy from last week:

~ The Bull taking Calf #1 to a special event all week
~ Meeting a new friend while waiting for him
~A double “first”:  Calf #5 rolled from her tummy to her back for the first time!  And I was right there to witness it–another first and a very good ending to a very rough day! (With each of the other kids I was in the kitchen when they did this for the first time)
~ A quick run to the store by myself to get essentials
~ A short nap with the girls
~ A loaf of freshly baked bread from a friend on a rough day
~ A special treat of ice cream after a big day

You can find the gratitude community here

MM: April 5, 2011

Writing down the moments as the week went by worked a little bit better last week, at least the first few days.  Then life got busy again!  Here’s a few snapshots from it.

~ A big cup of tea with honey
~  Watching movies with The Bull and the children, including The African Queen, (“By the power vested in me by Kaiser Wilhelm II, I pronounce you husband and wife.  Proceed with the execution.”)
~ April Fool’s day mixed up meals: dinner for breakfast (left over fried chicken), breakfast for lunch (cereal in mixed up boxes), and lunch for dinner (sandwiches)
~ Realizing that the spiders I’d found in my bed were the multi-colored gummy rubber kind  🙂
~ 3 of the 4 kids sleeping meant I had a little time to get things done (although the non-sleeping child kept saying things like, “Mom? Is naptime over yet?”)
~ Meeting loved ones at a fast food place, being able to talk while the kids played
~New jeans for me

You can find the gratitude community here

1000G: Chapter 7

Easily overwhelmed? Yup.

Sensory overload? That’s me!

Lash out at the ones I love (children, hubby) under frustration? Unfortunately, far too often.

Choose anger, Satan’s way, instead of thankfulness, Jesus’ way? (page 126) Well, I’ve never really thought of that before. . . . but yes.  And she’s right, it isn’t better, or more effective, or more expedient.  I know that, and yet it’s what I go to first, time and again.

“Eucharisteo always precedes the miracle“–I need to try to remember this on frustrating days rather than giving in to anger.

How can I drive out the “nail of anger” with another nail, a different one?  I’m not sure it is true that “We can only experience one emotion at a time” (page 136) . . . sometimes they seem to hit me two or four at a time. . . but this discipline of thanksgiving instead of complaining is so necessary for me.  How many days does my poor Bull come home to hear my litany of complaints, everything from kid misbehaviors to computer problems to bad news in the mail?

It is a struggle, a wrestle.  Job is right.  Jacob’s night is repeated daily for me.  I want to learn how to see God’s face in everything in life.

Especially my people.

I liked what Angie said about making a list of the common frustrations.  I, too, find that the common and normal and repeated frustrations come up and surprise me, although they should not!  I think that her idea would work for me. Pre-planning, as it were, how to handle the frustrations of life that I know will happen over and over and over.

Oh, here’s the first one that comes to mind: I tell the kids to get ready to go, and they don’t, they continue playing, and many days we end up late. So frustrating.

Now, I could tell them step by step: get coats and boots on, go out and get in the van, sit in your seat, get buckled up.  If I’m not right there to monitor each step, they don’t.  But now there is a new little person who needs to be gotten ready too.  She can’t take care of this by herself.  The older three?  They can.

They might get coats on but forget to get the boots on when something distracts them.

Or they may get all dressed up and forget they are supposed to get in the van-s0 instead I find them on the other side of the house playing!

If they manage to get into the van chances are great that they will forget they are supposed to sit in their seats and the older boy get them buckled up. I will often get the baby ready and get to the van to find them upset because “I want to sit in the front” and “he took my book away” or “she won’t leave me alone.”

And it matters not where we are headed:  a tedious chore or doctor’s office or a fun trip or playdate with friends, the short attention spans and ease of distraction gets us almost every time.

*sigh*

I can’t say that I’m much different, really.

So what do I need to do instead?  What can I possibly find to thank God for in this situation?

* They all have coats, boots, gloves, etc. available
* They are all capable of getting their coats and things on by themselves
* We do have a decent, reliable ride
* We have the ability to go places and do things
* We have places we can go, opportunities
* We have good friends who will understand if we’re a little bit late
* The fact that they are easily distracted shows that they are aware of their surroundings and have many interests

Wow, that is very interesting!!  Somehow typing this all up makes it not seem as dire a situation as I feel when we run into this scenario again and again.

(As I’m typing this all up while nursing Calf #5, she is now spitting up on me. Oh great. Got to change clothes now!!  guess I should consider this my second issue?)

MM: March 21, 2011

A few from the past week, while I have a few moments to put these together:

~ A cute little Calf, who was also in the slideshow. . . I’d woken, nursed her while reading, then set it down to go to the bathroom. . . and returned to see this:

~ Being able to get Calf #2 in to the dentist on a moment’s notice, and find out that his very painful cheek is evidence of a new tooth coming in
~ Dropping in to see a friend, who drops what she’s doing to come hug  me
~ The Bull having  a long weekend
~ Kung Pao chicken at a favorite restaurant, and 30 year old koi
~ A couple of special songs:

Would you dare would you dare to believe
That you still have a reason to sing
Cause the pain that youve been feeling
It cant compare to the joy thats coming
So hold on you gotta wait for the light
…Press on and just fight the good fight
Cause the pain that youve been feeling
Its just the dark before the morning

and . . .

We pray for blessings
We pray for peace
Comfort for family, protection while we sleep
We pray for healing, for prosperity
We pray for Your mighty hand to ease our suffering
…All the while, You hear each spoken need
Yet love is way too much to give us lesser things‘Cause what if your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears
What if a thousand sleepless nights are what it takes to know You’re near
What if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise

~ Corned beef hash
~ Getting things done at the school office
~ A party together with good friends, and another a few days later
~ Remembering that mama’s milk works well to alleviate pink eye

You can find the gratitude community here.

. . . I’d woken, nursed her while reading, then set it down to go to the bathroom. . . and returned to see this:

MM: March 7, 2011

A quick list while I have five minutes:

~ Kids helping with chores
~ Finishing paperwork that has stacked up for months
~ A beautiful, special Eskimo yo-yo
~ A long, fast slide with my 3 year old that took my breath away
~ Model cars and tanks and airplanes
~ Steak for dinner
~ A great recipe for moose roast that The Bull enjoyed also
~ An empty sink means the dishes are all washed!
~ Listening to music with my hubby and my girls
~ Bills paid for another month

You can find the gratitude community here.

MM: February 28, 2011

I cannot believe that I’ve not posted these little snippets in so long–the last was in August!  I’ve continued to record the blessings in my journal.  I’ve counted more than 2000 (!!!!!!!) and almost filled up my first journal, and I think I need to find a new pen.

It just got to be too hard to get them all typed up, so I gave up sharing with you.  Sorry.

So I think I’ll just list a few of the wonderful bits of the last week:

~A mid-winter school order beginning to arrive–giving us fresh materials and fresh motivation on our school year
~ A boy who is excited to make a scarf with the knitting loom, and picks it up often to work on it a little more
~ The Bull getting home a bit early after going in to work a bit early
~ A free movie rental and time to watch it with The Bull
~ A free time of science activities that all three of the older calves enjoyed
~ Baby Calf has found her hands! and she’s started drooling
~ Taking the kids out for ice cream to let The Bull sleep a little longer after a rough night of work
~ “Stuffed animals” on display . . . not the cute little fuzzy ones, but the big ones–lions and tigers and bears–oh my!
~ A cherry strudel snack, lightly heated with melted chocolate chips on top. . . mmmmmmm!  (And not burning the place down with the first attempt that went awry–oops!)
~ Napping with the baby

You can find the gratitude community here.