When last I posted, I was expecting baby #5. (Except she’s really baby #6, if you are keeping track.) I worked hard during the pregnancy to be healthy, eating right, taking my vitamins and supplements, and walking. Wowie, how I walked! 20 minutes a day, 4 or 5 or 6 days a week.
It ended up being my healthiest pregnancy. I felt pretty good (after the initial “morning” sickness wore off, anyway.) I gained less weight in this pregnancy than any other. (Well, except for that one. . .)
And her birth? Oh I was worried! But it was wonderful. Simple, straight forward, 7 hours from the first contraction to her birth (5 from water breaking.) I got to hold my baby right away and breastfeed her and thought we’d be in for a nice ‘babymoon.’
And then “it” happened. At about 3.5 hours after birth, we noticed that she was having great difficulty breathing.
And my precious little girl (“little” being relative; she was 11# 12 oz!) ended up spending the next 8 weeks in the hospital. It was horrible, dramatic, and terrifying. All the things a parent doesn’t want for her child, my baby endured. IVs, medications (MORPHINE! and steroids! OMG!!), intubation, surgery. We weren’t sure for the longest time if we would ever take her home.
But we did. And things looked like they would be improving and then after 4 weeks home she became jaundiced. Back to the hospital for another 12 days-and this one, interestingly enough, was MUCH worse than the first time.
She’s now home and doing very well. She exclusively breastfeeds! (And oh, how we had to fight for that.) She’s adorable and has the best hair of any of my babies; it’s red and curly! She’s showing some slight delays because of her early history, but at this point everything looks like smooth sailing.
But always in the back of my mind is the idea that *this* cough, *this* snotty nose, *this* fussiness is a symptom of a big problem that will lead us back to the hospital and more trauma.
I’d mentioned last post that I was worried about having more difficulties, trauma, tragedy. Yup. We got it.
I feel kind of resigned, that this will be what the future will be like for us. Terrible stuff at every turn with no end in sight. Oh, sure, things are (relatively) calm right now. But just you wait, we’ll have more crap to deal with in a few weeks or months.
And yeah, I get that THIS is what life is. Difficulties and rough times, I mean. But ours seem to be huge and insurmountable.