It’s so hard to wait for something you really, really want.

like a baby.

Then again, I’m not yet to my due date. . . have gone past with three mooselets.  I expect to have a ways to go yet.

The birth tub has been set up and filled.  Even before birth, it is important. I soak every night and it eases back pain.  The supplies have been bought and tossed into Calf #3’s room, now turned into a birth room.

The heartburn has not been so bad this pregnancy. Not sure why that is, but I am very, very grateful.  The SPD pain has eased somewhat also (although I slipped on ice getting into the van on Monday and aggravated it. ouch.)  The numbness and tingling in my hands has gotten worse and worse and I am looking forward to it disappearing.  I know it will taking giving birth to do that.

The Bull’s mom is here, she will help with the children during labor along with another friend who is a doula.

All the children have said they want to be with me when the baby is born.  Calf #1 wanted to be there when his sister was born, but I did not know that until two years later.  (That was so disappointing.  I just figured that he, being a boy, would not want to be there.  Didn’t even consider it!)  Calf #2 has said that he wants to be in the tub with me and he wants to cut the umbilical cord.  Calf #3 has said she wants to be there too, but this may be a “me too” kind of response.

We have read a few books with them to prepare them.

Welcome with Love

I Watched My Brother Being Born

Baby on the Way

And we’ve watched a few youtube videos of home birth and water births.  Because it’s all very well and good to say that “mama will make noise,” but birth noise is something entirely different from what they are used to.

We’re also still dealing with the after effects of last year’s miscarriage.  Calf #2 has asked (SEVERAL times) if the baby will die.  I do not want to make promises I have no control over. . . but we do have a good track record of healthy babies.  “I don’t know, but I hope not!”

We are all waiting.

While I’ve been waiting, I’ve been busy.  There are the multitudes of things that ought to be done before a baby’s birth, house cleaning and clothes washing and keeping up with the chores.  There are a few things special to our situation; I was so sick this summer that I put off many, many things. Now I’m playing catch up.  (trying to catch up.)

And there’s this:

which really hasn’t been as hard as I thought it would be.  I have a new ergonomic keyboard and type for a half hour then take a break. It works ok with the hands.  I thought about skipping this year: what if the baby comes early? what if I can’t finish the novel? what if I can’t type?

The Bull asked a good question, though: would I be more disappointed to try, and not make my goal?  Or to not try at all?

So I got started.  Doing pretty well too.  Maybe this is why I’m not desperate to have this baby, as I have been in previous pregnancies.  Maybe I’ve just finally understood that the baby will come when he/she is ready, and it is OK.

Maybe I’m just not looking forward to nursing round the clock and sleep deprivation and newborn days with busy older siblings.  🙂

No matter.  I continue to wait, and it is OK.  Baby will be here soon!


3 Responses to “Waiting”

  1. heidi Says:

    Waiting is the hardest! Good luck to you and Happy Thanksgiving!

  2. nani Says:

    Happy to hear your heart sounding lighter 🙂 I’m sorry about the pregnancy “ailments” 😦 I hope they go away quickly! Happy Thanksgiving to you and the family!! Loves…nani 🙂

  3. Holly Says:

    Babies sure do like to come on their own time! I tried lotsa different things to try and go early but nothing really worked! I do think that taking the EPO did help my cervix though. I had thought about having Kyndra present for the birth but figured she might just want to swim in the tub the whole time! lol

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