MM: March 9, 2010

holy experience

We are getting to the end of my “ghost pregnancy,” if you will; the “I would have been pregnant if I hadn’t miscarried.”   Now we are at the “would have been preparing to bring forth our new child” part.  A few weeks ago we were hit with a complication that affects  the month of March; it was difficult for a few weeks there until I found a little peace in talking with friends who have “been there” before.  (Although it is still difficult.)

Anyway, this week I was hit with another major situation.  I want to curl up in bed, pull the covers over my head, la la la la la, let it pass me by until I can deal with life again.  (will it ever happen?)  And still, I sense the LORD right here with me, answering prayers even as fast as I’m praying them sometimes.

So if you could pray. . . I am definitely needing it right now.  (And hey–if anybody has a spare “easy” button. . . . . )

Here are the blessings from my LORD in the midst of these trials and storms:

779~My sister’s new ink: pink footprints for her daughter; blue for my son
780~”I’m did it!” #3, after pulling up her pants. She’s getting so independent!
781~Calla is home!
782~The Bull taking care of the census paperwork for me.  (Yup, even something as mundane as this reminds me of miscarrying. Why?  Because when I realized last August that this would be happening in March I thought we could wait until the end of March to fill in the paperwork.  So that we could report ourselves as a family of six.)
783~Dinner while watching a movie
784~In bed by 9 pm with dishes mostly washed; a little relief from a bad headache
785~A clean bathroom and stuff put away
786~”Smile–you don’t know when you pass this way again.”  A husband’s advice to his wife during labor with their youngest.  Remembered as I’m scrubbing the shower wall.
787~The Bull getting home early so I can get to the eye doctor to try to find the cause of my headaches these past two months
788~New flavored caffeinated teas! Can’t wait to try them tomorrow.
789~The children’s excitement over a new scent of hand soap
790~The Bull helping with dinner
791~Calf #3 helping to put the groceries away
792~His head resting on my shoulder
793~Clean, soft, fluffy bath towels
794~Finishing One Night With The King, even though we had to do this on the computer because the DVD player freaked out
795~The Bull cutting the baby carrots into fun shapes, like a rabbit
796~Two gray birds with yellow faces on the deck railing
797~A March snowstorm; thousands of tiny light flakes
798~Little boot prints in the fresh snow
799~Catching snowflakes on our tongues
800~Two little girls skating together, holding hands
801~The children excited to go to a friend’s house, even though they don’t know which friends
802~Time with friends and yummy, yummy fruit salad 🙂
803~Sweet smelling candles
804~Listening to Ann Voskamp’s,  music (which has been wonderfully comforting to me these past few months) and watching the snow flurry outside; while drinking green tea flavored with orange pieces and studying the Bible
805~Calf #2 bringing me a “present,” himself, all wrapped up in a blanket; this morning he is a “baby tiger lion”
806~Sorting and putting away too-small and too-big children’s clothes
807~Showing the children how many, many earthquakes happen that cause no damage and are often not even felt; 10 or 12 since bedtime last night
808~Fruit snacks during handwriting
809~The Bull home early so I can run into town by myself
810~Hearing several songs with comforting messages during my hour away from home:

Phil Wickham and Bart Millard:  “Safe”
To the one whose dreams are falling all apart
And all you’re left with is a tired and broken heart
I can tell by your eyes you think you’re on your own
But you’re not all alone

Have you heard of the one who can calm the raging seas
Give sight to the blind, pull the lame up to their feet?
With a love so strong, He’ll never let you go
Oh you’re not alone

You will be safe in His arms
You will be safe in His arms
‘Cause the hands that hold the world are holding your heart
This is the promise He made
He will be with You always
When everything is falling apart
You will be safe in His arms

Did you know that the voice that brings the dead to life
Is the very same voice that calls you to rise?
So hear Him now He’s calling you home
You will never be alone

These are the hands that built the mountains
The hands that calm the seas
These are the arms that hold the heavens
They are holding you and me

These are hands that healed the leper
Pulled the lame up to their feet
These are the arms that were nailed to a cross
To break our chains and set us free

Paul Allen:  “To Bring You Back”
Are you thirsty, standing in the rain?
Not sure where you are or how you lost your way hey, hey, hey
Are you drowning
Some bar outside of town?
Searching for something hidden not found
A crowd of people totally alone
At the front door
Worlds away from home
And light up the night’s last regret
And burn your only safety net
Step to the edge it’s such a long way down

And I left the ninety-nine to find the one
and you’re the one
I walked a thousand miles in this desert sun
Only to bring you back

Are you tired of chasing the wind?
Under water, do you aspire to breathe again?
Are you dying?
Is that the best that you can do?
Cause you can’t find your place in a world that wasn’t meant for you.

I left the ninety-nine to find the one
And you’re the one
I walked a thousand miles in this desert sun
Only to bring you back

Hello, it’s me i couldn’t sleep I was just counting sheep.
I’m missing you.
Hello, it’s me i couldn’t sleep I was just counting sheep.

I left the ninety-nine to find the one
And you’re the one
I walked a thousand miles in this desert sun
Only to bring you back.

I left the ninety-nine to find the one
And you’re the one
I walked a thousand miles in this desert sun
Only to bring you back
Only to bring you back

A song I’d never heard before which quotes “I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us.” (Romans 8:18 NIV)

Abandon: “Safe in your arms”
I’m in a dangerous place, no direction within
I feel lost in myself, trapped in my skin
It’s a critical state, in my mind I can tell
that the future looks dim if I don’t get some help
I am lost without You

Safe in Your arms
When I’m weak, You carry me
I am Safe in Your Arms
You’re my strength
You’re my safety

Oh, looking back all the years
All the blood sweating tears
There were times it was hard and I fell apart
You’re the light at the end,
on the road You’re a friend
When I wanna give up, You keep showing love
I know I’d be lost without You

With You I’d never walk alone
I know, I know where I belong
‘Cuz You carry me
I’m not alone (x4)

Tenth Avenue North: “Hold My Heart”

How long must I pray
Must I pray to You?
How long must I wait
Must I wait for you?
How long ‘til I see your face
See you shining through

I’m on my knees
Begging You to notice me
I’m on my knees
Father, will You turn to me

One tear in the driving rain
One voice in the sea of pain
Could the maker of the stars
Hear the sound of my breaking heart
One life, that’s all I am
Right now I can barely stand
If You’re everything You say You are
Would You come close and hold my heart

I’ve been so afraid, afraid to close my eyes
So much can slip away before I say goodbye
But if there’s no other way
I’m done asking why

I’m on my knees
Begging You to turn to me
I’m on my knees
Father, will You run to me

So many questions without answers
Your promises remain
I can’t see but I’ll take my chances
To hear you call my name
To hear you call my name

811~Previewing a borrowed video to see if it would work well for the children; planning to have a family movie night with it this weekend
812~Having a little money left at the end of the month
813~Boys playing Go Fish wit Mickey Mouse cards: “Do you have a girl duck with a shoe?” (that would be Daisy Duck, son.)  “Do you have Goofy with three bumblebees?”  “Do you have Mickey Mouse, just Mickey Mouse with nothing else?”
814~My awesome vaccuum, and figuring out myself why the beater brush wasn’t spinning
815~Getting the house cleaned up before the weekend
816~A friend to take the children for the evening so that The Bull and I can talk
817~A story of the easy path which is not the right path, which leads to much trouble and pain; possibly a message for a current discussion?
818~Another devotional: Realizing that the LORD doesn’t always lead us the way we think would be best and that He isn’t the one who uses short cuts
819~Answers to prayers, while I am praying
820~Lighting the candles
821~Kids with The Bull for a project
822~Time with sweet, dear friends
823~A short nap
824~Swimming
825~Being able to talk with The Bull and lay out my pain, sorrow, fears, the LORD’s leading; ending in many tears but greater understanding
826~”Safe” again
827~Psalm 18, NIV: “The LORD [is] my rock, and my fortress, and my deliverer; my God, my strength, in whom I will trust; my buckler, and the horn of my salvation, [and] my high tower.
828~”Safe in your arms” again
829~”There is plenty of room for you in my Father’s home.  If that weren’t so, would I have told you that I’m on my way to get a room ready for you? 3  And if I’m on my way to get your room ready, I’ll come back and get you so you can live where I live.” (John 14:2-3, The Message)  (these last three items heard on the radio within a few minutes)
830~Taking the time to compose a lengthy email a good friend–have been putting this off for nearly three months
831~Sharing a special movie with the children
832~A much calmer phone call with a good friend

Does this sound like a good idea to you? Want to join us?

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