I Used To

I realized this morning that I’ve fallen far from where I used to be as a mother and house keeper.

I used to meal plan. (Ahhh, those sweet days. . .)

Shoot, I used to cook! Meals now are often sandwiches or scrambled eggs, something quick. I don’t even use the crock pot much any more because that takes forethought.

I used to wash the table after each meal.

I used to blog. (Ha ha ha. What am I doing now? :) No, I mean I used to blog a LOT!)

I used to spend time connecting with bloggy buddies. I miss those people. I bet a bunch of those links in my blogroll are no longer active. :(

I used to study and memorize the Bible.

I remember after miscarrying, during a low time, a dear friend hugging me. “I miss you!” she said. “I bet you miss you, too!” It was more than just not seeing me as regularly as before. I just wasn’t myself. Yes, I did miss me. I don’t know that I’ve gotten back to me yet.

Some days it feels like I have.

Some days it doesn’t.

I never got to be the mother I wanted to be. The ideal, before having kids. I don’t know where those ideas came from but they did not take into account reality or how children really are!

My oldest is 11, nearly 12. Just a few more years and he’s gone and living like an adult. I cringe thinking about that. He’s got so far to go to be ready for that! When do we have time to do all those things that we wanted to teach him (and his siblings) before they were on their own?

How do I get back to where I was before? The good habits, I mean. Those that had to go by the wayside long gone. Now the idea of doing a menu plan or a Bible study makes my eyes roll up in my head. Where would I find time for this stuff? I’ve been doing everything by the seat of my pants for so long! Not just meal planning. School, taking care of the children, the house.

I’d love to have more order in the day to day life. But it takes time to plan and I’m swamped with just getting through the day. How would I add one more thing in??

The world is a merry go round racing a hundred miles an hour. Somebody stop this thing, I wanna get off!!!

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One Response to “I Used To”

  1. Moira Says:

    I too live in this place. And I am beginning to notice a pattern. People with fewer children than us don’t get to see it ;) Life comes in waves – cook-not cook, read-not read, organized-mostly disorganized… The 5th and youngest child is 3 now and its only been since she turned 2 that I have regained some of the balance I was missing – time to cook, time to really clean, time for anything else other than surviving! And then I go crazy with my free time and overbook myself… oy. Its a ride. Try to enjoy it. There will be time for some of those things as each new baby grows up. And our older kids really will be okay. Really, they will.
    when you are ready to do some freezer meals, lets do it. And how about co-op learning for our families? Or co-op cleaning, construction or yard work?


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