I cannot tell you how deliriously happy I am that March is coming to a close. Goodbye, mad March. Hello and Welcome!! April’s got to be better!!
There are so many painful, difficult situations that have happened to me in March in years past (or not happened. . .) and this year it was just too hard to ignore them. So much for “moving on,” as people have suggested. “Getting over it” doesn’t seem possible. It doesn’t seem to work for me.
It would seem that grief needs expression, whether it be 27 years (my parents’ divorce) or 19 years (my first husband’s death) or 2 years (my due date with my miscarried baby) later.
A quote from a dear friend comforted my heart this month:
“Aren’t we amazing that we have the capacity to feel and hold things so strongly after what seems like a long time. I think it must have something to do with being eternal, with God’s time, and the incredible power of love and how ever fiber of our being conforms to our experiences. Pain doesn’t just go away and people who think it does are probably holding it somewhere else and don’t realize it.”
Next year I think I must be more proactive in doing “something” to soothe my hurting heart this month before it gets too bad. I don’t think I have the time, energy, or resources to create a foundation or anything that grand.
But maybe a daily, focused gratitude would be in order. Or a list of his favorite things. Or a daily joke. Perhaps a comforting song every day.
I don’t know what, but something must be different next year. I don’t want to repeat this year, next year!!